Its day 5 into our longest hospital stay. I just started back working after a 5-month leave of absence to care for my husband. He suffers from Lupus Nephritis and has End-Stage Renal Disease (ESRD), there are many more ailments, but those are the biggies. I tried caring for him and working, but add in two small children, both under 2, and a brand new house I couldn't do it and I felt like I was going to lose my mind pretty soon.
Fast forward to the current time, this was our second hospital in two days and still, no one could figure out what was wrong. He was completely out of it, unexplained fevers, blood pressure in the 200s, and he had no idea who I or the girls were. So, I sit there a complete mess because my work is kicking my butt, the girls are getting antsy from being stuck in a hospital room for days, and my husband is dying right before my eyes.
He's being followed by 5 different specialties and no one has even an inkling on what could be causing his deterioration and I have a meeting at 2 and I'm trying to figure out where I should go so they don't hear the screaming babies and alarms from the machines that go off every 15 minutes. Did I mention I just had my annual review with my boss and let's just say my job was hanging on by a thread and I wouldn't be getting that annual raise I was looking forward to.
Needless to say, I felt like crap and I could not believe this was my life. I was being pulled in so many directions, I began to crumble, I was frustrated and defeated. I felt really alone, but I had to keep on a brave face for my girls. When people reached out I made sure I smiled through the phone. I just wore this mask that hid everything I was feeling, and the one person I would talk to, had no idea who I was, plus at this stage, he wasn't talking, he was completely mute. He could see me, he felt my touch, but he wasn't there, just an empty shell.
Let's fast forward to the ICU, yeah, I wish I could say that things got better, but no they get significantly worse. So, now the doctors are completely stumped. "What the heck is wrong with this guy? We've tried everything!" Again, I sit at his bedside, completely overwhelmed, and I have the bright idea to start a business because I can't handle working a 9-5, caring for my husband and our girls, taking care of the home, cooking, and cleaning. I needed my freedom.
But in all honestly, I just needed something that didn't revolve around them. It may sound selfish, but ever since getting married, life instantly became about us and less about me. I lost myself quickly because I instantly became a mom of 2 and then his health began to take a downward spiral. I completely lost myself; as wives and mothers, we do this often. [I encourage you to find yourself again].
At this low point, I found the strength to see that I needed to do take care of ME too. If I failed it was MY failure, if I succeed it was MY accomplishment. So, I just did it! It all happened really quickly, I won't lie and say I did a ton of research, but I watched enough Youtube videos to figure out the basics, but there was no elaborate plan.
Now, your solution may not be to start a business, but I encourage you to find your why and what makes you happy. You were YOU before you were married or before you became a parent! If you're not the best version of yourself, you're not doing anyone any good! Starting my business was one of the craziest things I ever done, but I did it for ME and I am so glad I did!
Girl, just do it for you!
Let's talk soon!
-Kira